This is the first time in my life that i couldnt sleep. I am tired. Very tired. I wonder what happened to me.
What can i say? Its the feeling in my heart that couldnt calm me down.
I am tired. Sitting down here all alone. Trying to get bored and fall asleep. But i couldnt. My eyes are tired. They were Like goldfish. I wonder what will happen if i dint sleep tonight. I really wonder.
Reason for me to not being calm is you. Seems like i am the one who thought too much but. Yes, it still happen. I tried to be cheerful. I tried to be careless. I tried to not to think. I tried to slp. I tried these and that. What should i ise to describe? Somehow maybe i can only describe my feeling now with 'i fucking tried to do everything and everything still goes wrong!'
Sitting down here, listening to the sound produced by the light. Feeling mad in the heart. I just want to sleep. Why do you have to be like this? Its not some kind of blame. But just why? The answer you will give is ' who are you to decide what i want to do?'
God creates love. Why does not He create a love for himself to love me and love you? Why does He makes people, makes human love? Why?
I feel like leaving this place. Just to somewhere else to calm myself. Deep in my heart is crying.
Deep in my thought is upsetting. When these two added up together, it drives me crazy.
For the love for you, i respect you. But for the same love, i cares about you. With the same feeling, i do everything for you. But with the same feeling, it hurts me badly.
Thing goes to positive and negative. Things happen in the way you wanted and in the way you hated. But yet, you leave me no choice.
When you see me again, i might be a different me until the thing is gone. Until the beeping heart has come to a rest. Not a rest, but to a calm way of beeping. No longer mad. No longer upsetting. No longer thinking for everything except me.
I still feel bad.
