你有为我着想吗？

非常轻易的说了出来。非常简单的发表了。

却。。。

这一段时间内，我学会了许多东西。

我学会隐藏自己的情绪。
我学会自己一个人生活。
我学会自己一个人呆着。
我学会自己一个人熬夜。
我学会爱一个人的代价。

这一段时间内，我也明白了许多事情。

我明白了哑巴的痛苦。有苦说不出。
我明白了不能说的秘密。有口难言。
我明白了可看不可碰。能爱不能有。
我明白了。。。

我学会。。
我明白。。

这代价是精神的消耗，情绪的波动，体力的不足，心里的伤痕，世界的黑暗！

我已经爱上你了。。。吗？

我。。。。

不可以。。。

Loving You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kdc2u8QHyWU&list=RD02R9CqHRsFaeQ

Was listening to hymns all night. Peaceful!

Thank you Lord for guiding me. For giving me wisdom! For everything! thank you Lord.

In our daily life, we should..NO, we MUST learn how to experience Christ. He is everything that we could imagine of. He is Life! He is wisdom!

Learn!
And you will find the difference.
Its not easy to experienced Christ in everything.

I am into this one girl. She is pretty. She is cute in some ways. She is attractive to me somehow. She is cool. And most of the time, she is quite bad. As in treating me. Not the real bad. But just in the way that she was used to.

After all, I still want her.  A lot. How much? I don't know.

In church history, a very holy and respectful brother called, Bro Witness Lee. In his testimony, he ever talks about experienced Christ and consecrate everything to Him. The most painful experience that he had was his wife. His beloved wife whom he love so much. Before he marry her, Lord wanted him to leave the place of the women were and went abroad for His move on earth. He prayed. He was sad. He was 'killed'.

But, he experienced Christ as his Comforter. Experienced Christ as his Love.

He followed where Lord wanted him to go.


Lord Jesus, gain me. Love me as You always do. Bring me over everything. Give me wisdom to treat this matter in the correct way. Guide me through everything.

ROMAN 8:28
AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.

Do you love God?

Grace of God be upon you. Jesus loves you.

Good night.

its ok

at last...

i m down. continuosly headache and sickness came.

but nth paid off. 

was fighting for you. 

fight to own ur heart. 

fight to own ur attention.

fight to own ur everything.

.....

.......

..........

at the end, ur heart ur attention ur everything were still belongs to someone else. 

i m tired being in such a way. i tot i could gain at least a little attention of urs. but i guess i m wrong. i was wrong. i m too naive to blif tat. 

.....

.......

..........

i am tired. i m reli exhausted. i couldnt take it anymore. 

LET ME TAKE A BREATH BEFORE I CONTINUE MY JOURNEY. 

LORD, STRENGTHEN ME. STRENGTHEN MY WHOLE BEING. STRENGTHEN MY SPIRIT MY MIND MY EVERYTHING. GUIDE ME TOWARDS YOU. BRING ME BACK TO YOUR SIDE. LORD, GUIDE ME. TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO. TELL ME HOW SHOULD I DO. I WANTED TO GIVE HER TO YOU. BUT I COULD NOT MAKE IT BY MYSELF. LORD JESUS. 

LOVES. 

FELIX

random feeling

today, i was supposed to be very happy. 

indeed, i am. for some moment right before i turned down around 8pm.

everything became so negative to me. such a powerful negative ion attracting me, sucking me, absorb me towards it.

i played sports i like the most. sport tat i m better in. sport tat makes me leave u alone. 

i was with ppl i were supposed to blend with.

i ate watever i wanna eat even tho i jus ate salad for my dinner. no appetite.

but...in the end..i was exhausted..

couldnt fight..couldnt faught the negative attraction. 

i will be fine. will be. soon. very soon.

prayer of the nite....

Lord, thank you for everything that You arranged for me today. I love You Lord. Bring me before You more and more day by day. Thank you for loving me today. Thank you Lord. Bring also my friends before You. Gain us. May your mercy be upon us. Love you Lord.

无言以对

这句话。。。

我。。。

不想珍惜的人。。。

我又开始我的毛病了。

猜测、思考、故事。

给我喜欢的你一首诗歌。
'讓我愛'


讓我愛而不受感戴，
讓我事而不受賞賜；
讓我盡力而不被人記，
讓我受苦而不被人睹。
只知傾酒不知飲酒，
只想擘餅不想留餅；
倒出生命來使人得幸福，
捨棄安寧來使人得舒服。
不受體恤，不受眷顧；
不受推崇，不受安撫；
寧可淒涼，寧可孤苦；
寧可無告，寧可被負。
願意以血淚
作為冠冕的代價，
願意受虧損
來度旅客的生涯；
因為當你活在這裡時，
你也是如此過日子。
欣然忍受一切的損失，
好使近你的人得安適。
我今不知前途究有多遠，
這條道路
一去就不再還原；
所以讓我學習
你那樣的完全，
時常被人辜負心不生怨。
求你在這慘淡時期之內，
擦乾我一切暗中的眼淚；
學習知道你是我的安慰，
並求別人喜悅以度此歲。


這是倪弟兄對主的愛所經歷的。

來聽聽吧。你會有感覺。主會向你說話。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?nomobile=1&v=WeSz8V-g-UE

主耶穌愛你，我也一樣。

我們應該要有這樣的禱告：

主耶穌。

主啊，求你賜給我一顆單純愛你的心。叫我單一的來愛主。。

神圣罗曼史

这几天下来，一直都在问自己。

到底自己是个怎样的人？
到底自己多爱主？

问问你，问问他，问问自己。

没有答案。。。

很久以前，有个女子。名叫玛丽亚。她很爱主。非常爱主。

她为主将自己珍贵的香膏倒在主耶稣身上。

为什么那么枉费？！
为什么？！

基督徒自然的就会回答说那不是枉费，而是一件美事.

我也会这样回答。

不过今晚，我停了下来。
我，没有回答。
我，在默想。
我，。。。

想想。。
我多爱他？

再想想。。
想想。。

想到了你。
你。

突然发现，我好像很喜欢你了。很喜欢很喜欢。如果很喜欢就是爱，我就是爱上你了。可是很遗憾，我不能爱你。我不能爱上你。我不可以。如果我爱上了你，那将会是我们友情的结束！你就会变成我最熟悉的陌生人；我就会变成你最比愿意见到的人。

开车的时候，最想你。开车的时候，我想起我最喜欢的一首诗歌《神圣罗曼史》。

“怎能乡村女子如我，成为你的新妇配偶。。。。”

我爱你是那么的容易，我爱你是那么的无法自拔，我爱你。。。。。

为什么我不能像爱你那样爱主？！
为什么？！

朋友，如果你再读这个部落客时，请你。。请求你要知道。。

现在已经是时代的末了，主就快要第二次的来临了。你预备好了吗？你相信主了吗？你接受他了吗？
如果你已经相信他了，请你还是需要听！你来看！

六月八日，星期六晚上六点半开始，你来听，你来看。。

我坚信，主让你读到这个部落客就是要给你机会让你遇见他。让你听见他的说话。
联络我。我可以接你。0109820471。

至于你，我会收拾自己的感觉。不会让你不开心。当然，我还是希望你会来这个福音聚会。你来看。。

也请你把这首诗歌听完。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTwXM-3l9MQ

its is not easy

i suppose to study right now. But, I cant stop thinking. Mind was a little bit lost control.

However, it will be fine. Sooner or later.

There is once a boy who get jealous so easily. A simple touch or whatsoever close move will burst him into C4 mode.  

But...

Days by day,
Hours by hour,
Minutes by minute,
Seconds by second....

He changed.

No longer cares.
No longer thinks.
No longer live with it.

He learned to accept more.
He learned to co-operate more.
He learned to...
He learned to...
He learned to...

He try, he try and he try...
He really tried.

But it is not easy.
It is not easy.
It hurts from time to time.
It hurts like there is no ending for it.

You never know the real feeling of it.
One day, when you get to feel the pain...
I wont laugh at you. I will help you to get it over.

Because there is once I loved you.

If you never get to feel that feeling, hopefully I was the one giving you the best in your life.

I am sorry that I am not that mature. I am not mature enough to take as much as it is.

Thanks. I am fine now. Gonna continue study again.
Back to my notes and study hard. For me and for you.

If you were reading this, i mean anyone. Do pray.
Lord Jesus, turn me Lord.
Turn my heart to you.
Makes me love you more and more!
Lord, i love You.

我爱你吗？真的爱吗？

我
从小就和你在一起。
从小就认识你。
从小就知道你爱我。

可是，我却不知道你怎么爱我。你如何爱我。

最近，我寻求了别人爱你的经历。大概都说是你先爱了他们，说你为他们做了什么。

我也知道你为了我做了什么，可是我却一点没有感动。

曾经，有人告诉我说，我道理真理懂得多可是没有经历。


我。。。回想最近发生的事。。。

从小到大，我在家里什么都得亲自做。
我被逼变成强大的人。
我被训练成靠自己的人。
我被锻炼成会狡辩的人。
我被些现实的社会交会现实。
很多的我我我。。。

最近姐闯祸了。我靠自己，靠自己！摆平了这件事。这件事让我倾家当场！我没有放弃，继续活着。我把自己变得更强。

然后一段穷人的生活。。。我不喜欢！我要的是想吃好的就吃好的，想买就买。

今天主对我说：主所量给我的，不是靠商业的头脑，而是主的恩典。

所发生的是主的恩典。是让我经历主的机会！我却没把握：（

求主保守。谢谢主让我现在经历恩典

心情不好得时候

心情差，做什么都不能做得好。

读书没心情，做练习全都错。

难道我在情绪的控制是那么的差吗？

烦！

shud i?

wo xiang gen ni jiang hua.:)

People does change with time

There are a lot of time where people say things are hard to change especially when you are into someone and you will say ''I really likes her a lot. I will likes her for a long time'' or you can see scenario like ' a girl was in love with a guy and for such a long time she stay single but not available just for the guy. '

But, one day...

She will likes someone others. And it is not wrong to like others who is worthy for your love. I have to admit that I am the one who will change. And that's for sure. May be not as fast as some group of people or may be not as slow as some groups of people. But I do change.

I chose to love someone who is much more worthy to be loved.

However, people will also says that ' if you do not have feeling toward that someone, how could you be with them?'

There are too many case around me where they proven to me that when day goes by, feeling will turn up by itself. It may not necessarily as strong as the one you were suppose to choose before. But, you will be happier to be with. At least.

You...

You knew that I like you. But I was 'friendzone'. I wish your heart would change and turn to me. A big portion of hope which is enough to crash my heart into pieces.

It has been some time that I am into you. Almost a year since then. I also knew that you do not want to think about relationship. So I actually made the worst assumption that I will see you being taken by others in front of me. That is the worst feeling that someone could had!! I wish I do not have to face that kind of feeling. It is.......

These days, I was hard to get into sleep. Was thinking of you.Was trying my very best to help you. I remembered I said I wish to be your superman. Not just a batman. It sounds immature, but it is. Helping you is not to make you fall for me easier or whatever, I know you wont. Cause if it works, you were taken long long time ago. I just wanted you to have more rest and somehow, let you be 'little girl'.

And recently, I was trying to gain as much knowledge as I can. I wanted to be the one that you can rely on. I wanted to be the one that you can depend on. The real superman that you need.

I will change with time. My heart will turn. I will turn.


Written before 2pm 9th May 2013.

Talked with you for one and a half hours.

Cant say that I understand you more. But, I enjoy the talk. Enjoy when you can split it out. That was something that you rarely can do. That was something I appreciate much. That was something that I wish to happen. Open yourself. Not all. But at least a simple try.

Through out the talk, I realized. You were. You are strong. On the other hand, there is something in me that makes me think that you were who you are. Something that I thought shall helps you. I wanted to know you more. To be closer to you. To be the one you talk with. To be your 'superman'.

I really like the time we were there talking. I do not care if others needs me. I do not care if others looking for me. I wanted the best for me. I wanted the best to happen. I glad about it.

One last thing.

Something for you.

click here >>>> Reason to friendzone me?


and


play the whole song

Next hug. I will be. For you. If you give me the chance within the time. Better life and better world will be in your palm. For you to enjoy.

Miss you.

many times

:)

kegigihan seorang jejaka menawan hati si jelita

Pada suatu masa dahulu, tertinggal seorang jejaka yang tidak beberapa tampan tetapi tidaklah juga hodohnya berbanding dengan jejaka lain yang berada di sekitarnya. Jejaka yang tidak menonjol ini telah berjaya memasuki universiti yang berada di bandar tempat tinggalnya.

Semasa dia belajar di universiti ini, dia tertawan oleh seorang gadis yang begitu cantik sekali. Si jelita yang manis tetapi dingin. Begitu dingin sehingga tiada seorang pun yang mampu menawan hatinya sejak kelahirannya.

Lama-kelamaan, jejaka ini telah menjadi kawan yang agak rapat dengan si jelita ini. Namun begitu, semakin rapat pershahbatan dengan si jelita ini, semakin susah untuk si jejaka ini untuk meluahkan perasaan. Kenapa? Kerana, sekiranya si jelita menolak cinta si jejaka, persahabatan mereka akan tamat begitu sahaja. Hati si jejaka akan pecah berkecai! Maka si jejaka tidak berani meluahkan cintanya mahupun mengambil tindakan yang jelas untuk memikat dan menawan hati si jelita. Begitu pedih hati melihat si jelita yang disukai di samping sendiri tetapi tidak dapat menunjukkan kasih sayang yang begitu mendalam.

Sehari demi sehari, pengajian di universiti semakin payah. Apakah si jelita mampu menanganinya? Apakah si jelita mampu mengatasi kepayahan yang amat ini? Si jejaka risau. Si jejaka sakit hati melihat si jelitanya yang sakit. Melihat si jelita yang batuk dengan kesakitan.



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